Friday, July 19, 2013

Well, if Jimmy Carter thinks so....

Hello loyal readers.  I apologize for my extended absence.  I have been dealing with some "life" issues that have had me not feeling like writing much.  Many people may use writing as a catharsis, but I have found that when I am stressed, my urge and ability to write seems to totally shut down.  Anyway, on to more important matters. 

So I read Jimmy Carter is saying that the George Zimmerman jury got it right.  Excuse me for disagreeing with a former President and apparent negotiation specialist but I disagree.  I basically outlined my case in a previous blog, pre-trial, and my opinion hasn't changed much.  I'll admit I didn't watch hardly any of the trial but from the news items and such that I read, I saw nothing that would change my opinion.  I think this individual was an overzealous vigilante who went far beyond the bounds of what is required or expected from an average citizen and deprived a seventeen year old of the rest of his life.  I'm not sure that his crime rose to the level of second degree murder but I do believe that a conviction on manslaughter was warranted.  I'm not here to offend anyone.  I am certain there are those of you among my readers who would disagree with me.  This trial seems much more divided in terms of the perceived correct disposition than the Jodi Arias case, where the people who supported her are many fries short of a Happy Meal.  I understand there are many intelligent, perfectly sane individuals in this country who believe George Zimmerman's actions were warranted and that the correct outcome resulted.  I respect those opinions as I hope that others will respect mine that differs.  I believe Zimmerman was guilty of manslaughter and I believe his acquittal sends a dangerous message. 

While I would never advocate or take part in any retribution, I do believe that Mr. Zimmerman will be "free" only in the sense that he will not be behind steel bars.  Much like Casey Anthony, he will be looking over his shoulder the rest of his entire life.  Welcome to life in the new social media age, where a defendant may be exonerated in the courtroom but still has a sentence to serve. 

I hear the Feds are considering filing civil rights charges.  While we're on the subject, allow me to address this aspect of the law.  I believe when our forefathers wrote prohibitions in the Constitution against double jeopardy, I don't think they wished that overzealous lawmen would someday use the separation of state and federal powers as an excuse to twice subject someone to the loss of life or liberty.  I have seen this tactic used in many high profile cases going back many years and I believe it is just wrong.  While I disagree with the jury's decision in the Zimmerman case, I respect it and our system of justice and I don't believe that he should be tried again in some federal loophole.  He faced a jury of his peers and has been exonerated.  Just because there is a racial element to the disgust within some factions of the population does not mean that our government should somehow go searching for ways to try him again.  The jury spoke, it's over, let's move on. 

Thanks to those of you who have stuck with me over these past several weeks.  I am dealing and continue to deal with issues but I don't plan to be gone so long this time.  Until next time.......ta ta for now!

Saturday, June 29, 2013

The End Is Near

Happy Saturday to you, loyal readers.  Today, I will offer another motion picture review but first I'd like to share with you one of the random thoughts that often invades my mind.  I'm really glad that my oldest son is peeing regularly in the toilet now.  If I happen to misfire from time to time, I can just blame it on him.  That is all. 

Now for the main event.  Today, I will offer you a review of the film This Is The End.  It stars Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jonah Hill, Craig Robinson, Danny McBride and Jay Baruchel (whoever the heck he is) as themselves in what is basically an end of the world disaster flick.  After a few minutes of interaction between Seth and Jay, the action moves to a Hollywood party at the newly constructed home of James Franco.  Among the stars who make cameos at the party are Michael Cera, Rhianna, and Emma Watson (of  Harry Potter fame). 

Let me just be upfront with you and say that I am very demanding of my movie entertainment.  The word some would use would be "anal" but nevertheless I am very discerning when it comes to such.  There is a high bar when it comes to me and what is shown on the big screen.  More often than not, I walk away disappointed as I leave a theater. 

That being said, I was pleasantly surprised by This Is The End.  To be sure, this film is not for those who are easily offended.  If your idea of a good time is to sip tea, eat crumpets and admire an old Clark Gable movie, then this is probably not the picture for you.  It is full of the kind of sophomoric humor that inundates the majority of the movies in which Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and the rest of the cast (except for that Jay guy.  I don't even know what he's been in) typically star in.  That being said, there are laughs and quite a few of them.  And more than just a handful of the laugh out loud kind that I rarely, if ever, seem to find in today's comedies.  If you can look past the noticeably teenaged nature of most of the jokes like I did, I think you will find yourself pleasantly entertained. 

As I said, this is what amounts to an end of the world disaster flick.  After a few introductory minutes of chit chat at the aforementioned party, all hell (pardon the pun) breaks loose, explosions begin to occur and beams of blue light begin to drag some citizens skyward.  After several of their compatriots are killed in various disgusting ways, Franco and gang retreat to what's left of his house to try and wait out whatever may be happening until their rescuers arrive.  Beware, this flick is billed as a horror comedy and it has its share of blood and gore.  Also quite surprisingly (I write horror, so very little scares me), there are a couple of genuinely scary moments, not so much due to the actual events but rather due to their shocking timing on the screen and the blaring theater speakers that amplify their sound.  As far as the horror part, it is mainly the campy variety, with largely laughable demons and other creatures and corny reactions by the cast to happenings.  But then I never went to see it for its horror qualities. 

This movie works, at least for me, despite its adolescent humor and its corny attempts at establishing an ominous tone.  It's been awhile since I had the sort of laughs in a theater that I had while I was watching the latest offering from Seth Rogen and pals.  Again, not for the prudish or easily offended, but an overall entertaining night on the town nonetheless.  I give it three Fleeves out of four. 

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!  Until next time.....       

Friday, June 28, 2013

Of Accountability and Double Standards

Hello friends!  Your favorite blogger is back, itching to chime in on what has been one of the main news stories over the past week or so. 

I'm speaking of course of the Paula Deen situation.  Apparently, this woman admitted to saying a disparaging word many, many years ago and is now a pariah.  Her show has dropped her, those with whom she had endorsements have dropped her and even the mighty Walmart has deemed her too controversial for their tastes.  Target is said to still be "evaluating" the situation. 

First, just let me tell you I couldn't give a fig less about Paula Deen.  Although my wife and my father-in-law love the cooking channel and watch those programs regularly, I have never and would never watch any of their programming.  It is only thoughts of sleeping in a rickety old shed that have kept me from deleting it from my favorite channels on DirectTV and if my satellite provider dropped the Food Network tomorrow, there'd be no tear in my......drink (Sorry for the lack of rhyming but I hate beer).  Suffice it to say, sans the current controversy, Paula Deen would be just another stranger to me. 

However, I can't help but to comment for the speech and civil libertarian issues involved.  I mean, come on, she confessed to saying she used the "N" word 27 years ago?  Really?  That's what all the fuss is about?  I haven't Googled her so I don't know her exact age, but she would appear to be several years older than me.  Twenty seven years ago, I was a young sixteen years of age.  I KNOW I did and said many stupid things then and for years to come.  I will admit I have said the "N" word myself as well as many other either inflammatory or politically incorrect things.  It kinda goes with the territory.  I'm guessing that Ms. Deen would probably have been around 40ish those many years ago.  Probably outside of the realm of stupid youth but I am currently in my early 40s and I'm inclined to say stupid, inflammatory or politically incorrect things from time to time (in fact, I kinda have a personal vendetta against anything politically correct).  I personally can't believe that Ms. Deen, however useless I may think her show is or how undeserved her celebrity, is being held to the fire for such. 

Some say, "Well, she's a celebrity and such scrutiny comes with territory".  Well, yes, if the issue was what she said yesterday, or the day before or two weeks ago.  But we're talking about what she uttered TWENTY SEVEN YEARS ago.  I highly doubt that Ms. Deen had any idea back then that she would be in the public eye.  Are we really gonna expect our celebrities to be angelic from the time they're born just so an issue doesn't surface many years down the road that derails their career?  If so, I guess I better start praying that my sitcom never sells, or that my book never sells or that all of you quit reading so my blog doesn't become overly popular (hey, a guy can dream, can't he?).  To sum it all up in one word, I think this is all ridiculous. 

This would be different if Ms. Deen had set up a podium in a mall somewhere and started spewing racial epithets at the top of her lungs.  My understanding is that this was something she said to a friend or other close individual.  "Friends" and close relatives are supposed to be people with whom we can share anything with the reasonable expectation that it won't come back to haunt us.  I bet if each us sat and thought about it for a minute, there'd be one or two or ten or twelve secrets we wouldn't like aired either. 

And let's consider for a moment how this all came to light.  It was because Paula HONESTLY answered a question.  It would've been very easy for her to lie, to say that she had NEVER uttered such an atrocious statement.  But she didn't.  She told the truth (about something she probably considered not a big deal) and now she is being crucified for it.  I just don't think that the punishment here fits the crime. 

Undoubtedly, someone out there has read my musings to this point and thinks I must be okay with this because I'm a rabid racist.  Though true that the circumstances around my growing up would've definitely lent themselves to such sentiment (not my parents-I went to parochial school all my life where there were few, if any, minorities), I am most definitely not.  I have a good black friend (he calls me "counselor" by the way) a good friend who is from Jordan, an Indian friend, etc, etc, etc.  My favorite city in the world is Seattle and one of the biggest reasons is because of the diversity there. I judge people on who they are and not based on any group or ethnicity to which they belong. 

What strikes me about this whole incident is what appears to be a double standard.  Again, though I have no ill feelings against such groups, I often lament that if I was to start a white expo or the National Association for the Advancement of White People or have a Straight Pride parade, that I would be run out of the country.  I believe that everyone deserves the same rights but why is it that we allow some groups to demonstrate their "pride" and it's okay but when the white people do it, it's racist and reminiscent of the days of the Ku Klux Klan?  It seems to me that I ought to be able to celebrate my pride in my heritage as much as anyone else. 

"But Steve!  What she admitted to saying was one of the most despicable, racist words that one can utter!"  Well, perhaps that it was.  But I'm sure we are all familiar with fact that rap songs (written and sung by mostly African American individuals) routinely say the "N" word and it doesn't seem to matter.  As a young lad still in my teens, I listened to a lot of that music.  I can tell you that some of the songs said the "N" word more than the word "the".  I guess I just don't understand how a word uttered by members of your own race can be okay but somehow morph into the most derogatory word ever when uttered by someone of a different race. 

In conclusion (Thank God!, eh?), I just think this whole situation has been grossly blown out of proportion.  Ms. Deen didn't go on National Television and scream the "N" word last week.  She said it to a friend 27 years ago.  I'll admit it's not the smartest strategy to admit to such, but at least she was honest.  I have said many, many things, in the company of friends, that could be considered worse.  It's not that I hold beliefs discriminatory towards this group or that. It's that I sometimes joke and I'm also human.  We all have said things in our past that we'd rather not have others know about.  I don't think that someone should lose their career or livelihood for such an admission. 

Take care, dear readers.  I would say to tell your friends about my little blog here but then I don't want to someday be in Ms. Deen's shoes.  Peace out. 

Sunday, June 23, 2013

It's your standard, everyday, all purpose blog

My offering to you today is a movie review.  On Friday evening, I had the occasion to partake in the newest installment in the Monsters Inc. franchise with the family (sans almost two year old) and a family friend.  This movie is entitled Monsters University. 

In one sentence, I can pretty much sum up what this movie is all about.  It is Revenge of the Nerds Meets Monsters Inc.  It has all the stereotyped characters (the dumb jocks, the band of misfits, etc, etc), clichés, and virtually the same storyline as one of the Revenge of the Nerds movies (exactly which one escapes me at the moment) with the characters from the original Monsters Inc. characters inserted in that story.  As an adult, I found it to be hackneyed and unoriginal.  There were a few laughs to be had, but in general, it lacked the clever and delightful nature of the original Monsters movie.

But, that's an adult view and this is a film aimed at entertaining children.  In that respect, I can tell you that my nine year old stepdaughter seemed to enjoy it with her friend.  I heard them chuckling further down the row a few times and the post viewing meal at Subway contained numerous replays of the movie's events.  My four year old, however, seemed less enthralled and more interested in frequently touching the aisle lights on the wall next to our seats.  As the movie moved towards its totally foreseeable climax, he did seem to take a bit more interest in the happenings on the screen. 

Overall, I'd say this flick would probably represent decent entertainment for the younger crowd.  The familiarity (and likability) of the characters should provide ample amusement for its intended audience.  As for adults, however, this comes off as a lame attempt at a sequel and, as stated previously, basically involves plucking the storyline from one film and the characters from another and merging them into an all too familiar "geeks overcome their limitations to steal the spotlight from the cool kids" saga.  Given the time since the release of the first movie, I thought the project's creators could've done much better with this sequel.  I eagerly wished to go next door to check out the new zombie flick starring Brad Pitt but the times didn't work out and my wife seemed to think that some transgression against family togetherness.  So, I suffered through a boring and stale retread for the sake of my children's entertainment.  There are worse things in the world. 

If you're an adult, I'd give this movie one Fleeve on a scale of four.  For children, I'll be a little more generous and give it 2.5. 

Until next time, this is Steve, over and out. 

Friday, June 21, 2013

Jodi the Ho-Bag WARNING:ADULT LANGUAGE AND THEMES

Jodi the Ho-Bag (to the tune of Frosty the Snowman)

Jodi the Ho-Bag is an evil, soulless gal,
With art-i-fic-ial tits and two nitwits,
De-fending her at trial.

Jodi the Ho-Bag murdered Travis one June day,
Then got AL and Dick to make up some shit
To explain it all away

There must've been some magic in that ole sex tape she made.
For when it came time to give her death,
The foreman was not swayed

Jodi the Ho-Bag spent a whole month on the stand,
Trying hard to cry so she wouldn't fry
And she'd be with Donovan

Humpety hump hump, humpety hump hump
Look at that big Ho
Humpety hump hump, humpety hump hump
Who is she gonna blow?

Jodi the Ho-Bag said that Travis was a jerk
Called her whore and skank, said her three holes stank,
But her bullshit didn't work

Fat man Kirk Nurmi, said "Let me ask you this"
"How'd that make you feel?", the favorite spiel,
While he questioned a witness

Juan made his case, and laid to waste,
The stories the Ho told,
Ripping new ones for the hired guns,
Taxpayers had bankrolled

Jodi the Ho-bag, found guilty of murder one,
Spends her days alone, no visits or phone,
And no tweets by woman/man.

Humpety Hump Hump, Humpety Hump Hump,
Juan got that big Ho,
Humpety Hump Hump, Humpety Hump Hump,
Off for life she goes!















 

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Conventional wisdom be damned

 
I have devoted a substantial portion of my posts to subjects related to a demon (Jodi Arias), so I thought I'd give her opposite number some print.  The old saying goes that you should never discuss religion and politics unless your intention is to flare nostrils.  I have never been one to follow old sayings (or much of anything else) so prepare for some nostril flaring. 

I'd like to bend your ear (or I suppose it's really your eyes) today about "religion".  In order to properly do that, allow me to provide you some background on my religion.  I was born and raised Catholic.  I attended church every Sunday and on every fancy day the Catholic Church likes to call a Holy Day of Obligation.  I ate fish every Friday during lent.  In addition, I also attended Catholic school every day from first grade until the time I graduated from high school.  For those of you unaware of the curriculum in such schools, this meant (on top of Sundays), that I attended mass (that's the formal Catholic word for it) either two or three days during the week, depending on what grad I was in, through the eighth grade (as if having to deal with nuns as teachers wasn't enough).

Now some of you may have already gleaned this little nugget from the sarcasm in my previous paragraph but, suffice it to say, I am no longer a practicing Catholic.  As a young boy, I was under the oppressive thumb of nuns who hadn't had sex in 60 years and my devout mother, but once I became an adult and began to do my own thinking, I found I did not agree with all that the Catholic church teaches.  In fact, I have pretty much come to the conclusion (prepare your nostrils) that organized religion as a whole is a SHAM.

Much more on that in a moment but first, lest anyone get the wrong idea about me, let me say that I believe there is a distinct difference in being "religious" and in being "spiritual".  I am very little of the former but very much of the latter.  I believe very deeply in God, have seen His work in my life on many occasions, pray often, etc, etc, etc.  In fact, (public service message) should any of you dear readers have doubts about Him, feel free to hit me up.  I can tell you some stories that may help reconcile your misgivings.  Anyway, the point is that I am definitely NOT an atheist or such.  I just believe that what we think of as "organized religion" is nothing but a misguided, money-making scam.  Allow me to expound. 

There are many reasons I hold this opinion.  For the first, let's revisit my Catholic upbringing.  As I said, I attended Mass nearly every Sunday (I tried feigning stomach aches but it rarely worked) and then again either two or three times during the week at school.  Once in high school, there was no regular Mass at school but we did have it on special occasions.  As an adult, my Mass attendance has been largely non-existent, except for a few short term periods where I attended regularly.

So, what has all this church going made me?  Holy as a bus full of priests at the Vatican?  A sinner with an express pass through the Pearly Gates?  For reasons you will learn later, I don't believe it has made me either of these.  What it made me was a well-conditioned robot, who, to this day, despite many years of sparse church attendance, can still recite the Catholic Mass backwards and forwards, in my sleep and with both of my arms tied behind my back.  I'm pretty sure a populace of robots is not what the Almighty had in mind.  If he did, he wouldn't have given us free will.

My grandmother (God rest her soul) was the epitome of a devout Catholic.   Until health circumstances dictated otherwise a few years before her death, she attended Mass EVERY day.  She regularly prayed the rosary (for those of you not in the know, the rosary is a circular collection of beads and a cross on which you say prayers mostly to the Virgin Mary, mother of God), subscribed to the Criterion (a Catholic newspaper), and even said Novenas (nine straight days of prayer).  My grandmother once called me during my college years and asked me if I had been going to church.  My reply was "Once in a while" to which she replied "Twice in a while is better".  Her entire life revolved around the church.

So, my grandmother had to be one of the most highly admired people in her community right?  Full of warmth and goodness with a halo that required the use of sunglasses in her presence, eh?  Semi-annual parades in her honor?  A key to the city?  Bridge club pals with the priest?  Sadly, no.  While I owe my grandmother a huge debt of gratitude for teaching me how to play numerous card and board games, she was largely not someone I liked to spend a lot of time with.  (There goes my express pass through the Gates).  In fact, she was one of the most bitter, manipulative and hateful people I have ever known.  Everyone has been to a funeral in their life.  Usually, they are testaments to a life lived well.  Speakers detail a virtuous existence, even when most times the truth is far less immaculate.  The PRIEST at my grandmother's funeral (and I swear I am not making this up!) stuttered and stammered to find good things to say, finally acknowledging how difficult she was to deal with.  But she went to church every day of the week and said enough prayers to save the entire population of China. 

Then there were the years I spent in retail.  While working on my undergrad degree and then for four years in management afterward, I slaved as a gopher for Kmart Corporation.  We can discuss my mental state to have endeavored to do such later, but my experience there also provided some of the basis for my opinion about religion.  You see, every Sunday I worked, I watched as families and couples strolled in, all decked out in their best clothes after performing their weekly ritual to be saved.  And every Sunday I worked, I witnessed a conglomeration of some of the worst behaviors in which human beings can so partake.  Yes, after singing a few hymns, saying a few amens! and repenting for their sins, these well dressed church goers invaded our Kmart and proceeded to berate employees, beat their kids and otherwise make asses (and not very good Christians) of themselves.  Apparently, there are those among us who still prescribe to the theory that weekly attendance at a worship session gives you a pass to be an a-hole the rest of the week.  I'd say that's a outright perversion of all that Jesus stood for and taught us.

I'm sure by now that some of you have already begun to poke holes in my arguments.  This is America and it is surely your right to do so.  "The Catholic Mass is not like most church services" you'll say.  "Church serves a variety of functions, i.e social".   "It makes me feel good to go to Church".  "I just don't like you and won't agree with your opinion no matter what you say".  All of these are good arguments (save the last) on the surface.  Indeed, were my argument to rest here, it'd be one more of opinion than something based in fact.  But, I've saved the best of my ammunition for last. 

I have asked several people I know who attend church regularly to explain the following to me.  It is a Bible verse and not just any old Bible verse, but from one of the Gospels.  That is to say, these are reputed to be the very words of our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.  I must say that I came to my opinion about organized religion quite a long while before I happened upon this particular nugget.  While I read the Bible occasionally and am familiar with all the well known verses, I am not in any way a Bible scholar.  Throughout my many years of Catholic education and later just as an adult who had these conversations from time to time, I have heard many scriptures quoted as the reason that we need to go to church every Sunday. (Keep holy the Sabbath is the one I most often hear)  And then I happened along the following pearl and wondered why in the world I had never heard this read in all my time in Mass.  In Matthew 6: 5-6, Jesus says,

                              "When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray
                                in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them.  Amen,
                                I say to you, they have received their reward.  But when you pray, go to your
                                inner room, close the door and pray to your Father in secret.  And your father
                                who sees in secret will repay you."

When confronted with this, most of the devout worshippers whom I have asked to reconcile this passage with the idea of church going usually say that worship is not what Jesus meant.  That somehow this only pertains to praying.  Well, isn't worship, in reality, just one big prayer?  Not only that, but Jesus specifically says "synagogues" which is the Jewish equivalent of a church.  "But the ten commandments say to "Keep Holy the Sabbath".  Well, indeed it does.  But what exactly does keeping holy the Sabbath mean?  For all I know, it could mean not to kill grasshoppers on that day.  How can one offer "Keep Holy the Sabbath", a general and non-specific statement in response to the above quoted passage which IS very specific?  In my mind, there is no doubt what Jesus meant and that is that worship is an activity to be done in the privacy of one's home and in the privacy of one's mind.  Sure, Jesus and others mention the church many times in the Bible.  But if you read carefully, you will see those are references to a body of people and not to a building. 

I must say I was absolutely both floored and tickled when I first read this scripture.  Floored, because for years and years I'd been told that weekly church attendance was necessary to avoid hell.  Tickled, because a belief I had held for years had finally been validated by the only being that really matters.  I've heard the Gospel of Thomas, which was suspiciously left out of the Bible, champions these very concepts. 

So why isn't this passage a part of regular religious celebration everywhere?  Well, it's quite simple.  If you were to read and believe this, you'd stop going to church.  If you stop going to church, they stop making money.  A preacher true to the word would tell you to stay home and conduct your business with God in private. But then he'd have no job and the church would have no reason for being. 

Are there preachers, evangelists and churches out there sincere in their efforts who truly want to teach the word of God?  Sure there are.  But Jesus didn't say "go to church if you want to".  He specifically stated that you should not worship in public and that's all that church services really are.  I, for one, am not here to try and argue with Him.  I realize of course that such a drastic change in lifestyle will probably never happen.  However, I believe that each individual's relationship with God is private, personal and none of anyone else's business.  Jesus tells us so in the Gospel. 

That's it for now, loyal readers.  Until next time, I'll be praying hard in private for the balls to walk in a church service and ask the preacher to explain this verse to me.  Ta ta for now!

     



The Top 3 Fallacies of All Time

1.  The world is flat.
2.  Pluto is the 9th planet in our solar system.
3.  Jodi Arias is not a danger to society.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Just a quick note....

I just wanted to take a minute to say Happy Father's Day to all the dads, step-dads, granddads and step-granddads out there.  Being a father is an important and integral part of a child's life.  May you day be blessed with good company and tasty cookout food!  Until next time......

Friday, June 14, 2013

The next big thing

Happy Friday all!  As you may be aware, jury selection is under way in the George Zimmerman trial.  A few people have asked me if I'll be watching and for my thoughts about the case.  Here they are...

Let me say upfront that I have not watched or followed the proceedings in the Zimmerman case nearly as closely as I did with Jodi Arias.  I do believe, however, I will watch some of the Zimmerman trial, I'm just not sure if I will be as glued to my TV screen or computer.  I do believe in the concept of innocent until proven guilty so I will reserve my final opinion until I get a chance to see all the evidence.  That being said, however, there are a few conclusions I believe I have already drawn. 

I do not believe that vigilante justice should be allowed in our country.  Yes, I think that alert and proactive citizens are a necessary part of making our cities and towns safe for all of us but there is a reason that police officers are the ones tasked with upholding the law and a very good reason they are the ones who carry guns.  They have endured rigorous training which prepares them for the types of situations that occur on a daily basis.  Sadly, that is not even enough for some of them.  I believe firmly in the United States Constitution and specifically the right to bear arms, although I personally have never owned a gun and don't plan on it anytime soon (potential burglars be aware....I'm still a very big guy and I have plenty of knives and a baseball bat). All that being true, however, I find it a scary thought to think of a bunch of  armed individuals who take it upon themselves to administer justice.  George Zimmerman had no right or obligation, in my humble opinion, to do anything more than dial 911.  Once he proceeded to act past that, and indeed in direct violation of what the 911 operator had told him, I believe he stepped outside the bounds of what an ordinary citizen is expected, required or even allowed to do. 

As such, George Zimmerman broke the law.  I don't believe that anyone has a legal or moral right to provoke a confrontation and then to claim self defense.  Had he done nothing more than call 911, Trayvon Martin would probably be alive and well today.  But he didn't.  He picked a fight, contrary to what he was told, and then finished the fight with an overwhelming display of force against a young man who carried nothing but a package of skittles and a bottle of coke.  It really is of little consequence to me that George may have suffered wounds in the attack.  Trayvon Martin had no idea who George Zimmerman may have been and, in fact, he is the one who would've been justified in claiming self defense.  Given the same situation, I would have fought like hell if confronted by a mysterious individual.
 
 I do believe that George Zimmerman is guilty of something.  I'm not sure the prosecution will be able to meet the legal requirements to prove second degree murder however.  It seems more like a reckless homicide to me.  I'm not sure if there are lesser offenses included in the charge, but I just have a feeling the prosecution will have a hard time proving the elements of second degree murder. 

Until next time.................this is Steve, over and out. 

Thursday, June 13, 2013

BREAKING NEWS WARNING-this post contains some adult language and themes

Apparently, the dynamic duo of Kirk Nurmi and Jennifer Wilmott of Jodi Arias trial fame are back at it again.  In their bid to shatter the Guiness World Record for most non-sensical motions in a jury trial, Bigfoot and his teenaged sidekick have filed yet another ridiculous brief with the beleaguered court.  Rumor has it, that Ms. Wilmott owns stock in several paper companies and is attempting to use her position to increase the value of her investments. 

This time, Wilmott and Nurmi are attempting to have the new penalty phase of the Arias trial delayed until January of next year. The world's most infuriating defense team cites as excuses.....errr.....reasons for the proposed delay two separate items:  1)  That Nurmi has been on a nonstop eating binge to soothe himself since his number one client was found guilty of premeditated murder.  This has resulted in his gaining an additional 100 lbs and both rendering his fashionable wardrobe about 10 sizes too small and preventing him from finding his penis.  He estimates it would take him at least until Christmas to remedy the latter problem and 2) that Jen has far too many sorority engagements this summer to be bothered by an annoying trial.  As an alternative, Nurmi has proposed that a hearing be held where he gets to question all the witnesses.  This should delay things at least until 2020. 

This observer hopes that the judge has enough sense to see through these despicable ploys.  My bet is that she grants it, at least to some degree, because she's so paranoid about appellate issues.  My money is on starting around November, which is totally unfair to the Alexander family.  But hey, this is America, the home of the brave and the land of free cable for inmates.   

Some more oldies but goodies.....

Here are a couple of more parodies I created during the Arias trial. 


The Duh-Fense (To the tune of the Flintstones' theme song)

Duhfense, meet the Duhfense,
they're a lesson in absurdity.
Led by, Three Hole Wonder,
Matching clothes and making up stor-ies.
Wilmott, with a less than cool haircut,
Nurmi, slow and dumb with a big gut.
When you're, with the Duhfense,
there really are no true words,
there are not true words,
they can't tell the truth!
 
 
 
 
Alyce the Buck Toothed Witness (To the tune of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer)
 
Alyce the buck toothed witness,
had a pile of lies to tell,
so she came to the courtroom,
from her smarmy place in hell.
All of the trial watchers,
knew she was a big nitwit.
They tried to keep from retching,
while she spewed a bunch of shit.
Then one "foggy" day in May,
Jodi came to say,
"Alyce, you've done me no good,
I'm stuck eating jailhouse food."
Alyce just laughed and smiled,
as she shouted out with glee,
"I'm gonna get my teeth fixed,
with your load of tax mo-ney!"

Love the ones you're with...

Good morning, loyal readers (or are we down to just one now?).  I apologize for my extended absence.  As I said, sometimes life with three young kids, a house, etc, gets in the way.  But I'm back, and this time with an important message. 

First, allow me to furnish you some background information.  A couple of weeks ago, my wife insisted that our entire family start following what is known as the Paleo diet.  In simplest terms, my wife told me, you are supposed to eat what the cavemen would.(In defiance, I told her I was taking it a step further and would be bathing as a caveman would.  In other words-NEVER!).  You see, Steve is, always has been, and (until last night) probably always would've been. a meat and potatoes kinda guy.  My diet has never been the best.  I eat a lot of junk, don't eat many fruits and vegetables and if you told me I'd die tomorrow if I continued eating red meat, well, then I'd probably die tomorrow.  I don't take kindly to someone trying to take away my chips, chocolate, etc.  In my defense, while I am overweight, my blood pressure continues to be steady and not a problem and the only aspect about my health that is even slightly concerning is that my triglycerides are a bit high (but not even close to high enough to require medical intervention).  So, in short, I see no reason why I should have to change my diet, seeing as how it doesn't seem to be affecting me very much at all and I've been eating pretty much the same way for 43 years.  I'm not in the best of shape right now, but there have been many times in my life when I exercised regularly and was fit and trim.  So, of course, I said pshaw to my wife's newest diet fad (she's been through several of them.  Hope she isn't reading this.)  That was, until, last night. 

I was informed last night that a high school classmate of mine had a severe heart attack.  As of now, he's in a medically induced coma and on a ventilator.  And he's my age!  Heart attacks (at least of the severe variety) happen to people much later in life, don't they?  Well, apparently not.  I have always considered Bill to be a great guy.  He is admired by most of our classmates as far as I can tell and he's always been a friend to me.  He started his own business awhile back and has built it to the point where it is much respected.  In fact, he posted on his Facebook account just last week that his business would be listed as a preferred vendor on Angie's List and that he was opening an office (to this point, he has worked out of his home).  And now this? 

I have been unable to think of much else since I learned late last evening about Bill's condition.  Most of that is because I consider Bill one of the good people on this earth and I sincerely hope that he is able to pull through and get back to his usual self.  But I believe some part of my preoccupation has to do with my own mortality and the thought that someone my age could suffer such a serious heart attack.  It really makes me think about my own situation. 

I'm not intimately knowledgeable of Bill's diet or his exercise habits.  I don't know if there are things he could've done to prevent this.  All I know is that I am the father of two young sons and I want to be around for a long time, to watch them grow and someday start families of their own.  I owe it to them to be here as long as I possibly can.  And that's what I'm gonna do.  Perhaps eating like a caveman won't be so bad, if it lets me spend just a little more precious time with my boys. 

Today, I would like to ask each and every one of you to hug and kiss your loved ones and let them know just how much they mean to you.  You never know when you won't get that chance again.  Until next time, take care. 

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Okay, so I may have been a bit ambitious.....

Happy Tuesday to both of my loyal readers.  I hope you're still there seeing as how it's been a few days since I graced you with something new.  About that....

It seems my goal to write an entry every day may have been a bit ambitious.  The responsibilities that come with raising three children and tending to a house and yard have sometimes left me wanting to do nothing but veg out.  As such, I'd look for my entries to become just a bit fewer and far between.  I'm not talking large tracts of time here, maybe just an entry every other day or so.  This past weekend, I tackled some pretty big cleaning projects and it left me a bit weary.  I love to write, but sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.  So, I'll see you shortly.  Until then, take care.  Oh, by the way, if either one of you has a suggestion for a topic, I'm open.  Thanks for all your patronage.  Ta ta for now. 

Friday, June 7, 2013

First degree, premeditated

I ventured over to Occupy HLN on Facebook several days ago and have started a back and forth with one of the obviously disturbed individuals there.  I'm sure that any day now, they'll post on that page that the moon landing was indeed fake and that they have evidence that JFK and Elvis are really alive and well on some remote island somewhere. JFK might have a few motor skills issues though. 

I am still amazed at the people who make asinine claims that Jodi is innocent or it wasn't premeditated or even that Travis abused her (including, apparently, 4 of the 12 jurors).  I fail to see how these people were even watching the same trial I was.  I'm convinced that they didn't, that they only saw parts of it.  I mean, people can't really be that stupid can they?

One of the issues that always stuck in my craw was the fact that naysayers stated that the disorganization and messiness of the crime scene dictated that this could not have been a premeditated crime.  Jodi is so smart and surely such an Einstein would not leave the scene in such disarray had she planned it.  I have a theory about that and have had it all along.  I was lucky to have an experience while finishing up my undergraduate degree that helped me to connect the dots.  Jodi may be smart but apparently she watches too many movies and too much TV. 

Let's hop in our time machine really quickly and head on back to the summer of 1994.  A certain future blogger was taking two classes in each summer session in order to get his degree in August.  All I had to take was electives.  As most of you should know, I have a very keen interest in the law, so those are the classes I chose to take that summer.  Among them were Trial Courts and Criminal Justice and An Introduction to Law Enforcement (both were senior level classes).  A captain with the Indianapolis Police Department taught the Law Enforcement class and this is where I would learn the knowledge to help me refute those that say a messy crime scene leaned against premeditation.  How?  Well, I'll tell you. 

The average person who watches TV or movies has a very unrealistic and sanitary view of the dying process for most human beings.  In most cop shows or war movies, an individual takes one round, may make a slight sound and falls on the ground motionless in a neat, tidy demise.  I grew up watching all the old war movies as a young man and one that sticks out quite clearly to me is the scene at the end of The Sands of Iwo Jima, where John Wayne's character Sgt. Striker takes a bullet to the back and goes quickly and quietly into the next life.  This just isn't how it happens.  Our good IPD captain endeavored to give us an education into that process.  It was, to date, the most shocking thing I have seen. 

The first thing the captain did was to tell us about an episode that has since come to be known as The FBI murders.  This incident changed the way law enforcement across the country performed felony stops.  There is a cheesy movie starring Michael Gross and David Soul as the bad guys that runs from time to time on one of the lesser cable networks.  The basic details are as follows:  in 1986, there was a rash of armed bank robberies in the Miami area.  To make a long story short, the suspects were finally cornered by several cars full of FBI agents and a shootout ensued.  When all was said and done, two FBI agents and both suspects lay dead.  The part that is absolutely fascinating to me, relevant to the current discussion and would be mind-blowing to the average person is that both suspects each suffered several fatal wounds each.  At autopsy, the coroner said the first bullet to strike one of them should've have killed him rapidly but he continued shooting it out with the FBI for several minutes afterward.  This incident does an awesome job (if you can check out the movie, I would) of downplaying the average person's conception of what it takes to kill another human being.  And lest you are thinking that drugs must've had something to do with it, both suspects were on NOTHING but adrenaline. 

The second thing the good captain did was much more alarming, because it involved live people.  He showed the class an actual surveillance video of a convenience store being robbed at gunpoint.  And it wasn't a small gun either.  The thief in question was packing a .357 magnum, the kind that blows big holes in anything it's used against.  Unfortunately, this particular clerk went against the universal advice to give the crook whatever he wanted and began to argue with him.  The villain was not amused and fired point blank into the woman's chest.  She was not thrown back, she did not fall down immediately.  In fact, the only way to tell that she'd been shot was the large hole that had appeared in her left shoulder blade.  The robber ran and the rest of the tape played out as the woman pleaded with 911 to come and save her.  She lasted about a minute and a half, with a point blank discharge from a .357 into her chest.  To this day, it is one of the most horrifying and shocking things I have ever laid my eyes on.  Absolutely disturbing.

So why has Steve regaled you with tales of his education?  Let me bring it all back around, loyal readers.  If you look at where Travis ended up on June 4, 2008, I believe you gain insight into Jodi's thinking.  That's where she had planned on him staying all along.  Relying on her false impressions from years of watching TV and movies,  Jodi intended to get Travis in the shower in a vulnerable position, stab him or shoot him once, he'd die quickly, she'd wash him off and be on her merry way with no one the wiser.  Except that people don't die in real life like they do in the movies and Travis didn't cooperate.  He fought hard and created the messy and disorganized crime scene for which Jodi had not prepared.  She had limited time to clean up what she could because Travis' roommate was due home soon.  Her hurried and frenzied cleanup made her bound to make mistakes (like leaving the camera in the washing machine).  So contrary to what some people have said, the condition of the crime scene does not mean she didn't plan to murder Travis, but rather that the plan she did have was flawed. 

There you have it, loyal readers.  Ammunition for the next time that a Jodi lover tries to work their magic on you.  Until next time.......... 

Thursday, June 6, 2013

A mixed bag today.....

Happy Thursday to you, loyal reader.  Today's entry is going to be a bit of a mixed bag of subjects that just happen to be on my mind.  It'll probably be shorter than some of my other entries as well since the various creatures in my house decided I didn't need much sleep last night.  My almost two year old son awoke screaming at 2 AM this morning.  He awakens sometimes during the night and we let him cry himself back to sleep usually but last night sounded like a bigger deal.  So, I was up until about 3 with him.  My wife had a crack of dawn meeting this morning for work which meant I had to take our new puppy, which we've had all of four days, out to do his business at 7 AM.  All of this has made Steve a very tired blogger. 

Today is June 6th and marks the 69th anniversary of the landing at Normandy.  Those who know me well know that I am a rabid history buff and World War II is my favorite time period.  Above and beyond all of that, it is important that we realize just what these brave men actually overcame in being successful on the beaches of Normandy and just what their sacrifices meant to us today.  I took three years of German in high school and, while it's an interesting language to learn, it's not one that I would prefer to speak on a daily basis.  Thanks to many, many brave men (and let's not forget the women at home) that never came to be.  I think the overwhelming debt that we own not only these men but also those who fought in conflicts both before and since, is largely taken for granted by our populace and lost in our daily lives for the most part.  My grandfather served in the famous "Redball Express" supply outfit.  To the day he died, thunderstorms terrified him due to the similarity between them and the shelling they endured and he often had nightmares.  War, for the most part, has been oversimplified and sterilized for our safe viewing.  If you've ever seen the movie "Saving Private Ryan", whose Normandy battle scenes are said to be as true to reality as possibly, you can appreciate what those young men faced as they charged well trained and well entrenched Germans on that day in June of 1944.  Yet, they did it anyway.  Remember them as you go about your daily business today. 


On that subject, I will mention briefly (although it's likely to show up later in a much longer blog entry) the continued disgust I have at the disparity in pay and adoration between our servicemen (who risk life and limb each time they awake in the morning) and the sports and entertainment industries where people are paid millions of dollars to play a game or make a movie.  Our society has constructed pedestals for our entertainers and relegates mostly to the back of their minds the young men and women who make this possible on a daily basis.  Make no mistake, I am as rabid a sports' fan as anyone.  Saturdays in the fall will find me in my living room, sometimes yelling at the TV and sometimes jumping for joy when my beloved Notre Dame Fighting Irish score a touchdown.  I also watch baseball, basketball and professional football.  I understand the allure they have and I also understand that it would be nothing short of a miracle to change society's attitude enough so that the true heroes in our world are compensated as they should be.  Don't you think it's extremely unfair that our service men and women make a paltry $30,000 a year or so to risk death or grievous bodily injury while we pay our athletes and movie stars millions to entertain us?  I certainly do. 

Lastly, I want to alert those of you who were Arias trial watchers that some of the sidebar conversations and closed door meeting transcripts from the trial are starting to be released.  I read about a few of them this morning and they are quite entertaining.  I'd encourage you to seek out the articles that are out there and be on the lookout for more. 

That'll do it for today, loyal readers.  Enjoy the rest of your Thursday and I'll talk to you soon.  Until then, this is Steve, over and out. 

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

It's time for everyone to take a stand

 Good Wednesday to you.  I had planned to write this blog at some point (and will probably end up writing several more until something changes) but events today have forced my hand.  I am constantly droning on and on about this subject to my wife (she's probably giddy that I now have a blog).  The topic for today my dear friends is the price of gasoline. 

As I said, I planned on writing this for a long time, hoping to get this message out to as many people as I can (or as many as the two of you readers know).  I have been incensed for a long time at the seemingly disproportionate gas prices that we American consumers are paying, relative to the price of a barrel of oil.  I have done what I could previously.  I have emailed the Indiana Attorney General, my state representatives and senators and the representatives and senators for Indiana in Washington, DC.  To date, I received a reply from the Indiana Attorney General and the representative for my district in Washington.  To sum it up succinctly, both were basically a load of BS, word service aimed at placating a taxpayer without really doing anything about it.  I have come to the conclusion that nothing but an en masse movement by the American people will do anything to change our current predicament. 

Allow me to share some numbers with you which illustrate just how lopsided this affair has become.  The figure that I most often see bandied about concerning the relationship between the price of gas and the price of oil is 70% (this would be about the only useful tidbit from the response by the Indiana Attorney General).  That is to say, that 70% of the price of gas depends on the price of oil.  So, were oil to be higher, you'd expect the price of gas to be higher and vice versa, right?

Well, consider these numbers.....in the summer of 2008, the United States set it's all time high for the average price of gasoline at a little over $4.11 a gallon.  The price of oil at that time was $150 a barrel.  As I type this today, the average price of gasoline in the United States is around $3.66 a gallon and the price of oil is $93.92 a barrel.  Even if you consider Brent crude oil, it's only at $103 a barrel. 

If the price of gas when the price of a barrel of oil was $150 averaged $4.11 a gallon, then why is it now $3.66 for a gallon of gas when the price of oil is, at most, $103 a barrel? 

Allow me to explain.  If we take the current price of oil $103 divided by the price of oil in the summer of 2008 $150, we get 68.7%.  So, by logic, assuming all other things are equal (and we'll touch on that in a minute) the price of gas should logically be 68.7% of the high average of $4.11 in the summer of 2008.  With me?  Okay, let's do the math.  68.7% of $4.11 would be $2.82 for a gallon of gasoline.  You're probably saying to yourself "Wait a minute self.  Steve already told us that the average price today for a gallon of gas in the US is $3.66.  How can there be such disparity between the price of oil and the price of gas?"

My detractors of course will say that the answer lies in the remaining 30% of the price of gas that doesn't involve the price of oil.  That somehow, there is some major factor that is causing the disproportion between the price of oil and the price of gas.  Okay then, what is it?  As Americans, we are commonly told that our gas prices spike when there is unrest in the Middle East or other parts of the oil producing world.  Yes, there is currently an ongoing civil war in Syria and Iran is being Iran, playing games about its nuclear ambitions, etc, etc.  But all of these things would impact the price of gas, because they impact the price of oil due to fears that there may be a supply disruption.  Then there are the arguments about switching to summer blend gas and how there are more additives needed for summer gas to keep it from evaporating, blah, blah, blah.  Again, I can understand a small increase due to this, but for the average for a gallon of gas to be almost a dollar higher than logic would dictate given the price of oil?  That doesn't wash.  Oh, and then there's my favorite.....refinery maintenance.  The excuse makers for the gas companies say that they routinely have to take a plant down to do regular maintenance and that lowers the supply of gasoline.  Two items rebut this...first of all, the maintenance issue would have existed in 2008 also and gas prices have been out of whack in relation to oil prices for a long time now.  Far longer than any maintenance issues should have impacted. 

Before I conclude, allow me to share some other facts with you.  I'm not sure if you're aware or not, but the US is currently in the midst of an oil boom in places like South Dakota and Montana.  Due to this, last year, for the first time in our history, the United States became a net EXPORTER of oil.  What that means is that the United States exported more oil last year than it imported.  And you want to hear the biggest surprise of all?  By the year 2020, the United States is projected to be the BIGGEST producer of oil in the world folks.  That's right, bigger than Saudi Arabia, bigger than Iraq, bigger than Russia, bigger than anyone else.  So, why then, are we still getting it up the keester at the gas pumps?

My theory (and it is shared by others) is that our own capitalist system is screwing the American people.  In many countries, they take care of their own people first (or at least their own rulers).  They make sure they are adequately supplied before they sell to others.  In the United States, our oil companies are allowed to sell to the highest bidder.  Right now, that is China.  China is being very aggressive and paying premium prices for all the oil and gas it can get.  As a result, OUR oil companies are selling to China and other countries first to make more money and leaving the American people out in the cold.  I'm not sure what you know about China, but they are certainly not our friends.  They may make a lot of our merchandise, but make no mistake, that is not because they love us all.  It's because it makes them money.  I have little doubt that if China thought it prudent and feasible, there would already be Chinese troops on their way to our great land.  Why on Earth would we allow a situation where one of our biggest threats gets all the gas and oil they can handle?  In my opinion, this is a serious National Security issue and I believe with my whole heart that our government needs to take steps to stop it.  American oil and gas companies should be forced to look out for the interests of the country that gives them the opportunity to make all that money, before selling it to a country who would most likely like to see us wiped from the Earth. 

I urge EVERY person who reads this blog to pass along what I have told you today and to act.  We are 350 million strong and it's about time that our senators, representatives, and president get off their asses and help the people who elected them to office.  I, for one, am sick and tired of excuses, sick and tired of getting screwed in more ways than one and sick and tired of our elected government officials doing nothing but taking free vacations and other gifts from wealthy oil companies.  I hope you will join me in my fight.  Have a great afternoon! 

P.S.  The event that forced this blog perhaps a little sooner than I would've liked is that gas prices today in the Indianapolis metro area hit $4.25 a gallon.  It's only $4.25 in HAWAII

I'm a bad blogger

Sorry folks, I didn't record an entry yesterday.  It was because there was "nothing noteworthy to report".  Ha ha.  Just kidding.  As I said, sometimes life gets in the way and last evening we took our kiddies to a local fair.  Please forgive me.  I'll be back later with another entry.  Ta ta for now. 

Monday, June 3, 2013

THIS JUST IN....

Hello everyone.  This afternoon I received a message from everyone's favorite ranter on the Beth Karas threads, Busta Chapman.  She said she intends to sue me for comments made on my blog and on Beth's thread.  Apparently, Ms. Chapman can thoroughly skewer the reputations of Travis and his family and make personal attacks on myself and other posters, but when it comes to something being said about her, she runs to the principal and tells.  C'mon BUSTA, put on your big girl pants!  I know that you really resent the respect that I have from the other posters and lament that you could NEVER have such, but really?

Apparently, it's quantity over quality

I'm not sure about in your little corner of the world, loyal reader, but there is an alarming trend in mine about which I feel the need to vent. It seems no matter where we (by we, I mean my family) go, no matter which brand name we choose to consume on any given day, we cannot, for the life of us, get our fast food order prepared correctly.  Every time (and I literally mean EVERY time) my family and I choose to partake of fast food, there is something wrong with our order, whether it be a major piece of our order missing or getting no straws for our drinks, etc.  We live in a very small town within reach of several urban areas and it seems no matter which city we're in or which food we choose, it's always the same.  My wife and I have taken to checking everything before we ever leave the window now because undoubtedly something will be amiss.  And, on those days when the kids are particularly rowdy or I don't want to hold up the line, and drive away without checking, well, that is the day that one of the brainiacs in McDonald's will have forgotten to put the fries in my son's Happy Meal or decided I really didn't need that fish sandwich after all.  It has become so bad in one city we frequent that I refuse to go to the McDonald's there anymore (I refuse until I want a cheap drink and then wait twenty minutes for my large coke).  I know these people are not paid particularly well, but as the old saying goes, it really is not rocket science.  You look at a piece of paper or a computer screen with my order on it and you put those items in my bags.  Yet, time and again, this seems to be too much of a task for my local fast food workers.  And lest someone starts to opine that it's because most of the employees don't speak English, it's really not the case.  We live in a very rural area of Indiana.  The small cities we frequent for our fast food purposes have very low minority populations.  Although I've had instances where it seems the person who took my order must've been foreign, because what they typed on their little screen bore little resemblance to what I actually ordered, my escapades at the fast food establishments near my home have nothing to do with majority of the workforce being from Mexico.

  Now, I will share with you what I consider the penultimate story in terms of fast food debauchery.  Every single word of this is absolutely true.  It happened to me about ten years ago, when I lived in a suburb of Indianapolis near the airport. The closest McDonald's to me at that point was about ten minutes away, so this wasn't a case where I could just walk across the street and get my issue remedied. 

One morning, I awakened and decided that some hotcakes from McDonald's sounded awfully good.  I got in my vehicle and drove to the location, dreaming of steaming hotcakes bathed in sticky goodness (minds out of the gutter, friends).  I arrived, ordered my deluxe big breakfast (I'm a big guy.  Although the hotcakes were the object of my desire, I needed more to placate my hunger pangs).  For those not familiar with the McDonald's menu, the deluxe big breakfast comes with eggs, sausage, a biscuit and, because it's the deluxe, hotcakes.  It all comes in a Styrofoam tray with a lid.  Given that at this time my foibles with fast food were not nearly at the level they are today, I got my order and drove away, all the way dreaming of those tender, succulent hotcakes drenched in warm syrup.  I arrived home, removed the tray's lid and, like a kid on Christmas day, I couldn't wait to unwrap what lay in front of me.  Imagine my disappointment when I turned the bag upside down and found that I had no syrup. No syrup for hotcakes?!  True, I had not asked for syrup but who orders hotcakes and doesn't want syrup?  As a bachelor at the time, syrup did not make the list of essential food items that I stored in my home.  So, here I was, mouth watering, visions of syrup drenched hotcakes dancing in my head and no syrup!  Dry hotcakes just don't conjure up the same dietary nirvana.   

No big deal, eh?  Well, that's not the end of the story.  As I said, I was a bachelor at the time and so fast food made up a great deal more of my diet than it does now. About a week later, those visions of hotcakes invaded my thoughts again and I endeavored to drive to the McDonald's.  This time, I was determined to not leave the window without my syrup. I ordered my food, stating very forcefully to both the order taker and the person at the window that I MUST have syrup and that their fellow McDonaldites had caused me quite the consternation on my previous trip. I ordered the same deluxe big breakfast and was tickled to see several packages of that syrupy goodness residing at the bottom of my bag.  All was good with the world again. 

I arrived home, barely able to contain my excitement, removed the Styrofoam tray from the bag and threw off  the lid.  My McDonald's friends had remembered my syrup but they had forgotten my freaking HOTCAKES!  ARRRRRRRRRR!

Okay, now I feel better.  I hope this finds you doing well and that all of your trips to fast food establishments result in you receiving all your food, necessary condiments, etc.  Ta ta for now!

 

Sunday, June 2, 2013

We Call Her Jenkasaurus

It's two for one Sunday, ladies and gentlemen!  I felt bad for what I considered an uninspired effort yesterday so I worked this morning to finish something I've been working on for awhile.  It's a parody of HLN correspondent Jean Casarez.  Again, those of you who have followed the Arias trial will get the most of it. It's been a long time coming because I switched songs in the middle of writing it.  But, without further adieu, here it is.  This is set to the tune of the theme song for the old Super Chicken cartoon.  If you're unfamiliar with it, you can find it on youtube.  Hope you enjoy!

We Call Her Jenkasaurus

She is all about the drama
She's best friends with Jodi's mama
She can tell what juries think by lookin'
She'd do a headstand on her chair, hoping to get on the air
We call her Jenkasaurus!

Cries when the jury finds Jodi guilty
Then claims it was a cold that made her melty

Ready for A A R P
Though she dresses like a teen
She's a fossil, still alive and kickin'
Never be a Beth Karras
Even though she sold her ass
We call her Jenkasaurus!

The Busta Rant

Good Sunday morning to all!  This post is geared toward those who followed the Arias trial.  If you spent any time at all on Beth Karas' thread, it should be quite clear to you.  I'm still working on the Jean Casarez one.  Hope to have it soon.  Hope you enjoy!

The Busta Rant (to the tune of the Humpty Dance-if you're not familiar, you can find it on youtube)

All right! Stop whatcha doin'
Cuz I'm about to ruin
The peaceful little chat that you're used to
 
I look funny
I'm just a big dummy see
My madness, is a mystery to me
 
I need meds
I cruise to all the threads
I think you all want the death pen-al-ty
 
Travis was an abuser who deserved what he got
 I believe that,  I've been smoking pot
 
My name is Busta
say it with some lusta
Oh idiots, I do like to cuss ya
You're all thirsty for Arias blood
Of that I'll always remind ya
 
The Busta Rant is your chance to see me mad
Oh oh I'm so crazy
Do the Busta Rant, come on and do the Busta Rant
Do the Busta Rant, come on and do the Busta Rant

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Okay so it's not the best....

My goal when I began this blog was to try and write one entry a day so as to keep my readership (all 2 of you) entertained.  Some days that will be easy, some days not so much.  Today is one of those days.  My weekends tend to be quite full so I sit here with less than three hours to meet my stated goal.  I will do so, although probably not as thoroughly or as perfectly as I'd like (note to readers, I tend to be my own worst critic, especially when it comes to my writing). On those days I may fall short in whatever way, I will try and make it up to you some other day.  Anyway, most of you probably do not know (most would mean more than one of you since there are only two) but I have also dabbled in comedy.  I have under my belt, one comedy club performance (please don't ask how it went.  I had some sort of out of body experience.  There was a Ted Nugent concert in the club next door and I think I may have been there) and my friend and I have developed a sitcom which will hopefully come to fruition someday.  I say these things not to brag, but rather to set up my rather paltry offering this Saturday evening.  I routinely make observations and write them down, should I ever once again stand in front of a crowd trying to make them laugh.  These are the subject of my blog today. 

Times are tough.  A lot of people these days use every dollar they make just to pay the bills.  Something's gotta give and that something is often discretionary spending such as entertainment.  But fear not, loyal readers!  Fleve has the answer!  There is a FREE way to get all the laughs you can handle (and no, it's not watching Dr. Drew when he has Jodi Arias supporters calling in, although that is a reasonable substitute).  If you want to have the time of your life literally for free, then all you have to do is the following....

Turn on your TV.  Tune it to a live program (news, etc).  Turn on the closed captioning and let the laugh riot begin!

I swear I am not making this up. Sometimes when I'm bored on a Saturday night (before I started my blog of course), I flip on the TV and the closed captioning.  You will not believe the hilarious things that the captioner says.  I swear sometimes there are deaf people doing the captioning because some of the things that show up in black and white at the bottom of my screen are so unbelievable. 

One Sunday morning, I happened to be flipping through the channels and stopped on a Catholic mass.  I was born and raised Catholic and have seen enough masses in my life to save the souls of a billion people. I was not doing this for entertainment.  Some morbid part of me just wanted to see how a TV mass was done.  The captioning was on, as it routinely is at our house.  (My wife swears I'm deaf but I believe it's just that she has bionic hearing-insert corny bionic music here).  Anyway, I watched for just a couple of minutes.  There is a part in the Catholic mass, right after the recitation of the Our Father where another prayer is said.  Part of that prayer is "as we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our Lord....".  The person captioning this however typed "as we wait in joyful hope for the coming OUT of our Lord...".  IMAGINE my surprise.  Twelve years of Catholic school and I had no idea.......Jesus is gay?  Who knew?

This morning, I'm watching the local weather and the caption says "jews of rain".  Now, I wasn't watching it per se but I did see the captioning and began to wonder, what are "jews of rain"? Is that sorta like a Hasidic jew?  I still am not sure. 

One last tidbit and I'll close on this mediocre installment.  My in-laws live in a small Indiana town just outside of Muncie (home of Ball State University).  Anyone who has been to a small town knows that sometimes different types of establishments are combined out of necessity.  But I had never seen the likes of a combination like there is in Yorktown, IN.  Along the main street in downtown Yorktown is Yorktown Nutrition and Hobby.  I am so excited!  I can't tell you how many times in my life I have awakened and thought "I need vitamins and I need some airplane glue. I wish there was one place I could get both!"  And there are STILL people who believe there is no God.  Go figure. 

That's it for now loyal reader.  I just want to take this opportunity to thank all of you who have read my blog and the wonderful comments that have been offered.  I look forward to dazzling you again later.  Ta ta for now!

Friday, May 31, 2013

An Oldie but a Goodie

Welcome back!  The following is a post that those of you who followed the Arias trial are somewhat familiar with.  I say somewhat because I have added some things and changed some things.  Without further adieu, I present for your avid perusal an update on where the major players in the Arias case are 5 years after the trial.  Enjoy!

DATELINE JUNE 1, 2018-  It has now been five years since the jury in the Jodi Arias case handed down its verdict of guilty of first degree murder.  In honor of this milestone, we're bringing you an update on where the major players in this riveting case are now.
 
JODI ARIAS (aka Jodi of Arc, the Butcher of Mesa, Three-Hole Wonder):  After the first jury hung in the penalty phase of her trial, everyone's favorite Three Hole Wonder negotiated a plea deal in which she agreed to forego all appeals in exchange for a sentence of life in prison without parole.  Shortly thereafter, she dumped number one supporter and once potential partner in exchange for her new bestest bud and jury foreman, William Zervakos.  In a desperate attempt to regain the limelight she so desperately craved, Jodi sold pictures the foreman had sent her of himself in bondage gear to the National Enquirer.  Ms. Arias is a card carrying member of the Religion of the Month Club.  Upon converting to Buddhism in July 2014, she changed her name to Blaga Blag Con Ti, which roughly translated means "Booty Call". 
 
KIRK NURMI:  After his most famous client was sentenced to death, legal work was hard to come by for Jodi's lead counsel.  Faced with a dismal future in Law, His Lustiness turned to his first love and emigrated to Japan to produce porno films, including The Three Hole Wonder Does Osuka and Sluts, Whores and Skanks, Oh my!.  Tragically, Kirk Nurmi met his end when he choked on a piece of sushi at the annual Japan Porn Awards banquet.  How'd that make you feel?
 
JENNIFER WILMOTT:  Surprisingly, Ms. Wilmott was largely able to escape the fate of her fellow counsel.  She continues to practice law and has won several awards from the Arizona Bar Association including "Most Likely to Throw a Hissy Fit in Court", "Best Pissed Off Strut to the Sidebar", and "Voice Most Likely to Drive Lemmings Off Cliffs".  In addition, the teenaged lawyer Americans most love to hate has authored a book entitled "How To Act Like Spoiled Brat and Still Practice Law!".  Wilmott has also been dabbling with Ouija boards, in an effort to ensure she is never again upstaged by a young psychologist.  She hopes to someday say that, yes indeed, you can ask a dead person their side of the story. 
 
JUAN MARTINEZ: In 2016, Juan was elected Attorney General of the State of Arizona.  Rumors are swirling that he is considering a run at the presidency in 2020.  A full length feature movie detailing his life and career as a prosecutor is in the works.   
 
DET. ESTEBAN FLORES:  One of the heroes of the Arias saga, Det. Flores continued on in his role with the Mesa Police Dept. for two years after the verdict.  He was approached to star in another offshoot of the CSI franchise called CSI: Phoenix where he remains to this day.  Det. Flores just recently appeared on Dancing With The Stars and has twice served as guest host on The Tonight Show.
 
JUDGE SHERRY STEPHENS:  Continues to serve on the bench in Maricopa County.  Voted "Most Lax Judge in America" by her peers three years running.  After the Arias trial, she was overwhelmed by gifts from the public, including a vast collection of numerous clocks and dictionaries with the word "promptly" highlighted.  With her newfound treasure trove of timepieces, the country's least punctual magistrate plans to open a boutique upon retiring from the bench.   
 
ALYCE LAVIOLLETTE:  Her testimony in the Arias trial left her totally discredited and without any semblance of a career in psychology.  She went to work for Walmart as a greeter and later secured work for her fellow hack from the trial.  Ms. Laviollette is said to live in a van down by the river.  She has attempted reentry into her chosen field with a street side booth with a sign that reads "Psychological Help 5 cents.  The man hater is in".  She is often seen in downtown Long Beach panhandling and overheard saying "My testimony for a sandwich". 
 
RICHARD "DICKIE" SAMUELS:  Just two months after his testimony in the Arias trial, Dickie filed for Social Security Disability benefits, citing PTSD incurred during his cross examination by Prosecutor Martinez.  His claim was ultimately denied, as the SSA found he suffered not from PTSD but rather from ASS (Abundant Stupidity Syndrome) .  Unable to procure clients in his chosen field, Dickie resorted to going to work as a Walmart greeter, where he has been reprimanded numerous times for yelling "Clinical judgment sir!" at unsuspecting patrons.
 
DONOVAN BERING:   Shortly after the trial, Donovan was crushed when her favorite murderer and potential partner dumped her for the jury's foreman. His/ Her spirits rose quickly however, after Hollywood producers offered her the opportunity to star in a remake of the film "It's Pat!".  The original story, based on a Saturday Night Live skit, detailed the life and times of an individual whose sexuality is a mystery.  The new film, entitled "That's Donovan!" debuted in September 2014 and earned a worldwide gross of just ten dollars (Donovan is believed to be the only one who paid to see it).  He/She has since gone on to be a linebacker for the Chicago Bears.
 
 
Continue to check back frequently for new posts.  I'm currently working on a parody of Jean Casarez and a song called "The Busta Rant" to the tune of "The Humpty Dance".  Take care.  Ta ta for now!

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Of the Name and Other HouseKeeping Items

Hi.  Welcome to the blog of Steve Faust.  Allow me to thank you in advance for reading my rantings. 

This is a new experience for me.  The blogging that is.  God knows I have no problem expressing my opinion or writing.  Just ask those who know me well.  You ask a question, you're bound to get a litany in return.  And if it's something I'm REALLY passionate about, watch out!  I'm inclined to taking to my soapbox every now and then. 

Some may read the title of my blog and think who the hell is Fleve?  Well, there's a story behind that, or really two stories.  The first is that, for whatever reason, my brother-in-law took to calling my "Uncle Fleve".  I'm not really sure why but he continues to do it to this day.  The other is an homage to my frequent presence on the Beth Karas threads about the Jodi Arias trial.  As those of you who may have followed me here would know, I had to invent an alter ego to allow me to continue to post after those most unfortunate encounters with cowardly trolls.  It is the support of many of my fellow chatters there has emboldened me to start this enterprise.  And so, in appreciation of my time there, I have incorporated that alter ego "Feve Staust" into the name of this blog. 

That's about it for now.  I hope that you come back often to see what I have to say.  As far as content, I plan to feature a myriad of subjects.  I will probably feature some of my parody work from the Arias trial in the beginning as it is still fresh, and then move on to other topics.  I welcome your comments and suggestions.  Again, thanks for reading.  I hope that I can offer a diversion for at least a little while.  Ta ta for now......